Ever wake up feeling like you’re on top of the world, only to find that by noon, you’re ready to crawl back under the covers? If so, you might be unknowingly depleting your oxytocin—the love hormone that keeps us feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But don’t worry, I’m here to help you not do that!
Just for fun, here’s a tongue-in-cheek guide on how to completely zap your oxytocin levels (and trust me, you’ll want to avoid these like the plague!).
**1. Avoid All Human Contact
Want to make sure your oxytocin tank stays empty? Simple: become a hermit! Lock yourself in your room, shun all hugs, handshakes, and high-fives, and definitely avoid any friendly chit-chat. Human interaction? Overrated! (Kidding, of course—human contact is essential for keeping your oxytocin flowing!)
**2. Stress Out Like It’s Your Job
Nothing drains oxytocin faster than a good old-fashioned stress fest. So if you’re looking to run on empty, fill your day with impossible deadlines, relentless multitasking, and a heaping side of worry. Bonus points if you skip lunch and forget to breathe deeply! But seriously, stress is the ultimate oxytocin thief, so try to keep it in check.
**3. Ignore All Forms of Physical Touch
Cuddling? Nope. Hugging? Not today. Holding hands? Forget about it! If you want to deplete your oxytocin, just make sure you avoid any and all forms of physical affection. But let’s be real—who can resist a good hug? Physical touch is one of the best ways to boost your oxytocin, so maybe don’t skip out on those snuggles!
**4. Focus Only on Yourself
To really zap that oxytocin, make everything about you. Don’t help others, avoid acts of kindness, and definitely don’t do anything that could bring joy to someone else. It’s all about me, myself, and I! But in reality, being kind and helping others is a surefire way to get that oxytocin pumping, so sprinkle some kindness around like confetti!
**5. Keep a Straight Face at All Times
Laughing? Smiling? Pfft, who needs ‘em? If you’re on a mission to deplete your oxytocin, just make sure you never crack a smile or share a laugh. After all, life is serious business! (Or is it? 😂) Laughter and joy are huge oxytocin boosters, so don’t be afraid to let loose and laugh until your sides hurt.
**6. Avoid All Pets (Even Cute Ones)
You know those adorable puppies and kittens that just beg to be cuddled? Yeah, steer clear of them if you’re trying to keep your oxytocin levels at rock bottom. Pets are experts at making us feel loved and connected, so if you’re serious about depleting that love hormone, you’ll have to say no to those puppy-dog eyes (but why would you?!).
**7. Refuse to Dance Like Nobody’s Watching
Feeling a little too happy? Cut that out by staying as still as a statue! Dancing, especially when you let loose and have fun, is a massive oxytocin booster. So, if you’re trying to deplete that feel-good hormone, keep those feet glued to the floor. But honestly, who can resist a good boogie? Crank up the tunes and let your oxytocin soar!
In Conclusion: Don’t Follow This Advice!
Okay, okay, I think you’ve caught on by now—this is a how-not-to guide. Oxytocin is the feel-good hormone we all need more of in our lives, so let’s do the opposite of everything on this list! Hug more, laugh often, be kind, cuddle your pets, and dance like nobody’s watching. Your body, mind, and heart will thank you!
Now go out there and fill up on that sweet, sweet oxytocin! 💕
